Alive
by amkay
Summary: "Words fail to describe how much you mean to me."
1. Truth

_For KB, who means more to me than anyone else in the world. You're the best friend I could ever ask for._

_AN: Because today is a day I want to show my appreciation._

* * *

There are so many things I want to say to you but every time I open my mouth the words refuse to come out. I've tried so many times to force them out, to tell you the truth, but I can't. It isn't because I don't mean them-those words are from my heart. Perhaps that's why I struggle so hard to say them.

It's been so long since I've felt this way. So weak and vulnerable . . . So alive . . . So human. I haven't had a heart for a very long time. Not a beating one, anyway.

Yet the moment you came into my life, I've felt things I'd thought I'd lost long ago. Feelings I gave up on willingly because they always hurt more than any physical pain I've experienced.

What I mean to say is that you . . . Well, I feel _alive_ whenever I'm around you. For the first time in years, I'm not just a broken, empty shell going listlessly through life with only eternity to look forward to. With you, life is worth living.

You know, brat, that's one of the reasons I can't accept your art. Who the hell is crazy enough to accept _fleeting_ things as art? What's the point in creating something so beautiful only to have it taken away moments later? I can't stand losing things I consider precious. Every time you destroy one of your masterpieces something inside me dies with it.

I know how much you admire my art and respect it for what it is. How you view me as an artist and a masterpiece. How you want me to last forever even though it goes against your beliefs.

But the truth is I'm more like your art than you realize.

It pains me to say this, but you more than anyone deserves the truth. I am not eternal. I can't last forever. As much as I wish I can be eternal, to stay by your side forever . . . I can't. More than anything, I want to stay with you. I want to stay with our misfit group of psychopaths.

I want to be with you forever, brat, but I can't live forever. Not now that I'm dying.

I'm sorry for hurting you like this. I wish this fight had gone differently. I wish Granny hadn't used _them_ in this fight . . . I don't think she truly realizes yet what she's done.

Mother, Father . . . It's been so long since I've seen them. Ever since that day so long ago, the day they left for that one simple mission . . . Since they promised to come back for me . . .

I hate liars. Even more, I hate broken promises. I . . . I hate myself for breaking my promise to you, even though I never said it.

I'm sorry, brat—Deidara. I'm sorry that I never told you the truth. I'm sorry that I've gotten myself killed when you expected me to win this fight. I'm sorry for leaving you alone, for all the times I've hurt you, and for the tears I know you'll hide when you finally come back.

I'm sorry.

But the one thing I'll never regret is getting to meet you.

You're the reason I continued on for so long. You're the reason I can finally truly smile for the first time in years. You're the reason I feel so alive now.

You're the reason I finally understand love.

Deidara . . . I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me.

"But . . . I guess . . ." I smile as I fade away, my last thoughts of _him_.

_I'll see you again, brat. And then I'll finally tell you everything._

* * *

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto franchise. I'm just borrowing the characters to tell a story. Thanks, Kishimoto, for creating such wonderful characters and a truly amazing world._


	2. Goodbye

AN: Because I needed to. It had to be finished sometime, after all.

* * *

It's always pointless to try and hold on to things. Why even try when they just leave or fade away with time?

Heh, time. It isn't destiny that's a bitch. It's time.

Always continuing no matter how much it feels like it should end. And you're always waiting for it to go on when it just slows down.

I love my art. It's so simple. It isn't complex or hard to figure out. The beauty of a single moment … so fleeting yet powerful that it leaves a powerful impression on those lucky enough to see it in their minds forever … True art is fleeting.

Just like life.

And now that you're gone … I wish it wasn't. I wish art was eternal. Because then I wouldn't be feeling any of this pain.

You're a fucking bastard, Sasori no danna. How could you just give up when you were strong enough to last forever? Were you afraid that I wouldn't? Did you think I wouldn't try for you the way you did for me?

I don't know what you think now. I never will because you're gone … One second you were here, lashing out at me like always, and I thought you'd be okay. I really believed you'd forgotten how tired you were with life … with everything. I thought you'd be here when I got back and call me a brat just like always.

I thought I could depend on you just as partners should.

But you're gone and now …

And I have a new partner.

He's such a fucking idiot, and I want to hate him. Fuck, how much I want to hate the annoying bastard. Is this how you felt the first time you met me? You wanted to kill me at the soonest opportunity, just to escape the headache caused by someone new?

What kind of name is Tobi, anyway? It sounds so childish … Just like him.

What the hell was Leader-sama thinking when he paired me up with this idiot? How did he even get into the Akatsuki when this isn't a place for people like him? But … sometimes I think there's something more to him.

There's no way someone can be this stupid and survive.

Sasori … why did you have to leave? Why now?

Sitting here beside you, seeing that smile on your face as you're locked in a fatal embrace by the puppets of your parents … I can only wonder what your last thoughts were to make you look so happy and peaceful.

Were you thinking of me as you died? Were you thinking of how you could finally rest in peace?

You're such a mystery, Sasori no danna … One that will always remain unsolved.

I guess it's best that way. Just … take care wherever you are, you bastard. I'll make sure people will remember you … because you'll never be fleeting. Not to me.

Sasori, you'll always be true art. I promise.

Goodbye.

* * *

_Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all._


End file.
